Maddening, challenging, frustrating

I used to think love is all about sweet nothings, dinner dates, hugs and kisses, love letters and flowers and sex. Then reality hit me. Its a fleeting feeling. Love is relative to the present time, state of mind and situation. Its a constant effort to stay inlove and work out whatever seemed hopeless. Its a constant battle with ones own demons, the other person's demons and all the other demons around. It's not an easy battle and sometimes you find it pointless. But at the end of the day its the feeling of having someone who shares the same heartbeat as yours that matters most or in most cases its the coffee you share the morning after or that last cigar stick from last night or the morning breath from each other, the silly hugs and kisses and teasing, the pillow fight or the morning walk haunting for food. 

Photo taken way back in 2009 using Samsung i450 camera phone. Location: Naga, Cebu 

Afternoon Sesh

It's 3am EST and 3pm local time. And then, that I-cannot-sleep-and-I-don't-why feeling is getting on me. Must be the hot weather or the sun directly burning my black curtain and my dark sarong. 

I am thinking and I can imagine her saying, you got your thinking face on. Yeah, but I don't even know what I am thinking about. I just can't point a finger to it. I remember browsing old Facebook albums and realized how much weight I have gained over the years. To be honest, I just wanna disappear. A month or two maybe. Figure a few things. I don't really know. I cannot just pause my life just because I don't know how to go on. I badly need a guide and to tell you honestly, my prayers aren't even working.  Or I might not have prayed enough. I am still waiting for the one little sign. Hoping it will make all sense in the end. 

Good Riddance

At one point in your life you get to ask where you really wanted to go and where you are at that very moment. You tend to destroy things, burn bridges and even intentionally hurt people just so you could make sense of what was happening of your own life. My life has been an on and off feeling of depression, alcoholism and euphoria. I used to lived and die (temporarily) of intoxication. I cannot say that I am very pleased when my 5-year relationship with her took a crumble. Sure I did ask and beg the other party for a second chance and even questioned why it happened. Alot of bargaining, I must say. But now that the dust has cleared and I can see clearly what's ahead of me, I am ready to -- embrace the person I have become over the last 5 years, forgive myself for all my shortcomings as a person and figure out where I want to go with my life and go back to my life-long dream of travelling and living off my backpack.  It was after all, a good riddance. 

Top and bottom both from Forever 21

Homesick

Its been ages since I wrote something in this blog that almost forgot I still have this. I just came back from a short vacation in my hometown, Pagadian City. And now I feel homesick. Coupled with a little stress and caffeine, I usually survive the week at work but this week's been different. I so miss Mama that I badly wanted to go home this weekend. You see, we don't get along that much. We used to fight over how I would not want to straighten up my back, how I draw my eyebrows, the shade of lipstick I wear, or how she would mispronuonced a simple word like pink. I guess the older you get, the more emotionally vulnerable you become. 

So here's a photo of Mama, in the background I know because she hates pictures, taken over the weekend at our home. 

All hail to summer

There goes this itch to blog again. Sorry for the dormancy for almost half a year. Its been crazy (oh well whose life isn’t unless you live under a rock). And an early warning to those reading this trying to figure out the point of this entry, there’s just none. I think no one really makes a point until they’re six feet below the ground. Sorry but not sorry. So summer infestation is here. Its this time of the year when I get to spend all my hard earned cash during rainy days, get a subtle tan line (coz with my skin color its really hard to achieve that), get drunk (oh yes, forget the doctor’s advice and drink as much as alcohol as I can), watch sunset or sunrise, laugh to my heart’s content, travel, and try to drown myself swimming. So Iris and I came up with this 12 weeks of summer which supposed to kick off last March 2^nd but due to financial constraints we have to delay it to the following week. Its been three weeks since and we’re approaching the 4^th week and I can say its been really great, awesome even. I can’t explain how it made me feel energized to go to work and hurry to end the week. Broke or not we see to it that we do something out of the ordinary and make it memorable no matter how simple or nonsense it is. After all, we’ve been in and out of the hospital a few months ago so we have so much things to catch up on.

Week One of Twelve. Sumilon Island. Spent the weekend on this luxurious island resort where we enjoyed the sunrise, shifting sandbar, snorkeling, kayaking and trekking.

 

 

Week Two of Twelve. Acted silly with my coworkers and drank my heart out like a college student I cant imagine how I manage to walk my way home. Haha

 

 

 

 

Week Three of Twelve. Headed to the northernmost town in the province and took the banca to get to Malapascua Island. Soaked under the sun at Bounty Beach and had a taste of the island life.